What to write...how to have the experience

A friend told me to focus on what I have not what I don't.....sage advice and some that I agree with. It has been twom months since Mary passed and 3 weeks since my father. Many who were around alot are not as it becomes time to move back into life and it's becomes tiring for me to be a vortex of need.....grief sometimes feels like that. Last night I just wanted someone to tell me it'd be okay.....that all the love that had been shared would sustain me (it is)....that betrayal of Mary's trust and wishes is a bad dream that one will wake up from.....that the good will was not a lie and that people will do the right thing. Don't let anyone take your power.....people show you who they are.....believe them. God I just wish I could talk to Mary York and it would be okay. Obviously shit has been hitting the oscillator....I'm trying to duck out of the way. I just want my family back.

Another friend told me that stupidity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I'm someone who doesn't know how to do revenge nor want to...generally thinks the best of folks and their intensions. This is not always the way of the world......I'm finding this out by lessons learned.....

I've made Mary's office ours and am moving my bedroom to the front room. I hope this will bring new opportunities.....angst over Mary's estate is the last thing that I want or need... Mary would be appalled if she was here. I am too tired to refereee my own fight so I will let ohter go it for me.....I need to go to bed. love, lg