It seems that time passes and then it doesnt'

It is the 3rd month since Mary's passing and the experience seems to be getting more difficult. I don't know what it is....some folks have moved on....other people don't know what to say. Others I don't hear from and don't have very much energy to reach out at the moment. The body has been sick the last week and I'm tired beyond words. I so believe in the divinity of love and life.....the experience of unity of all. I love so big and am so fortunate to have had Mary-our love together. This is still present in life...in our home. The learnings are available if one remains open to them. I just don't know how to recognize all of this when I feel so alone at night....it is as if my heart has broken......many reasons written on my heart. Grief does weird things. I keep hanging in there....figuring out the right actions...the right prayers,....the words to sooth. I sit in Mary's chair....go up and bury my face in her cloths to smell her and feel comforted by her presence in a physical sense. Will it be like my brother....will the smell slowly fade over time. He feels closer to me than ever.....It as if his spirit lives within me. Mary is quiet.....there is a level of sadness perhaps it is mine and a projection of the emotional pain at the moment. Fortunately, emotions are just that....they pass. It is about giving it time...knowing that right now I have no plans for life other than to get through each day accomplishing something. Work is good...I feel competent there. hard to do public speaking wthout a voice so I began antibiotics. Pearl is sick again. She won't eat the medicine. Not sure what to do. I hope she gets better...we keep going to the vet. I wish I had some wonderful amazing commentary for this phase of grieving. I guess it would be....mercy and compassion for one's self. So HUM. i am......I am.....I am not the body, I am not the emotions, I am not the mind.....I am I am .... I am the soul. Know this and be whole. I am love, I am peace, I am a child of God, i am love, I am .....just I am. This is all. Thinking of a happy event, Mary and My first kiss...bring it to the heart...share it with all.......loving again...loving all....loving God....knowing that as each of us is one...when one suffers we all do. Bless us all...love, lg