Monday Morning

I haven't been able to do much this weekend except watch TV. We watched the Swiss Family Robinson, Something with Sally Field in which her daughter died, OutQ Laughbreak, and another movie which I cannot remember what it was. I sat by miss Mary and worked on the computer....fixed us food....spotted her when we went for a walk up and down our block. The thing about going into the hospital is that it is emotionally exhausting. Mary was intruded upon, poked and proded and though everyone was nice.....there is that point. We had a very nice lesbo oncology nurse who was a delight. She said to us both that if Mary was ever in pain (well-yes-all the time)....that they have a clinic that specifically deals with pain issues and they are very good. That she would get us hooked up. She has been with her partner 15 years and was very sweet to us....knew who Mary/I were based on LCCP and Mary's Law Firm. So this weekend we holed up together and slept alot and talked about life, how lucky we are to have found one another, how she is sorry we never had kids or had a big wedding. I'm lucky to have a gaggle of nieces/nephews from her side of the family and Ben, Maddie & Tommie here in Chicago. We've made reservations by Ann Arbor for Thanksgiving with all the kids and Cindy/Larry and got a handicapped accessable room. I find myself being really pissy about people not paying attn to Mary when we are out. I about took out some teenagers who almost fell on her because they were running backwards and being goofballs. I guess because of both her injuries have been at the hands of someone elses carelessness I'm hypervigilant. One of my pranic folks said I need to work on forgiveness more for these things....that it is just blocking me up. They are right I know....I will.....I do. There is so much that is not under any control.....and really nothing is...... Her right leg is quite swollen and I find myself worrying about it. Amato says that is the way it will be but I still find myself thinking about it and bugging Mary to wear compression hose on that leg. I'm successful with that about 60% of the time at night. My mother told me a story about her Dad. George LaCost....a little farmer. He was about 5'2 and 120 lbs of French man. Mom said he would never worry about anything he couldn't do anything about. He made good wine and had a truck patch......many acres of corn and soybeans in Missouri. He was 52 when Mom was born and she was always his baby. I remember him and he would play bear with me as a toddler. He would get down on the floor and growl at me and I'd hide under the dining room table...then I would squeal and he'd throw me on his back and crawl around on his hands and knees. Mom would yell at him but he would laugh. Since I was 5 when he died at 92 so he must of been close to 90 for these playtimes. When he was thinking about things...he could reach down and grab a wad of dirt between his fingers and roll perfect marbles. These would be set in the sun and they would dry....Mom still has a few of them. Anyway, when Mom was a teenager the old farmhouse caught on fire and Mom ran to get Granpa. They were running toward the fire and Granpa stopped and grabbed dirt and started rolling it in his hand...continuing to walk much more leisurely toward the commotion. Mom chastised him a little....his comment was "LaCena-I can tell by the flames that there is nothing I can do" He lived his life that way till age 92. He also ate a raw onion like an apple every day and chewed his food 100 times each bite. He never had a stomach problems that is for sure. Mom admires him and wants to be a little more like him. I thought he had the most beautiful blue eyes that sparked when he laughed. Mary's Mom had those eyes. Mary was crying some yesterday and frustrated with not being able to pick things up off the floor when she dropped stuff and how she needs help for alot of things. I gently reminded her that her Mom had great lessons about taking things in stride. That she had taught me how to accept limitations with grace and with laughter. Even when her mom had trouble remembering things...she did so with laughter and sais "oh I'm crazy". Mary brightened after that some and the rest of our evening was nice together. We are looking forward to getting away for thanksgiving and feeling a little normal. They guys are installing a buzzer/intercom for the front door today. This way Mary can see who is there and we can make sure the house is more secure. Well, I'm off towork. Have a busy week of travel so Gary will be hanging out with Mary Tuesday/Wed. I love you. lg