Mary is Drinking Costrast Media

We made it to Houston 1/2 hour early...missed the snow. Ate dinner at a great Chinese place downtown.....got to our hotel and Mary was in bed by 9:30. I sent out 30 emails between 9:30 and 11pm but that is how we keep the work-ball rolling and scheduled most of January. Thank god I telecommute as I can work from any time/place. Mary is sitting accross from me drinking two 16 oz containers of contrast media. I pack for us and what I didn't realize is that we totally match today. Once a virgo...always a virgo I think. I have on black shoes, pants, shirt with neon green tie-dye socks and a neon green sweater....she with black pants and sweater with green long sleeved shirt. People keep telling us how good we look and if we planned on dressing alike. I say of course...and then they ask if we are sisters (at least no one this trip has asked if we are mother/daughter-mary hates that).....we then say partners...a few times and then they usually go Ohhh...and nod their head. Then something is said about someone's best friend and I realize that we are in a different world in Chicago and Houston folks are very nice and trying to wrap themselves around diversity. I called the manager of radiology when we got here and he is taking mary into the scans. We are getting the royal...sorry we broke your leg last time.... treatment. I'll take it .....mary asked me what I was trying to accomplish by calling him....my reply was "increased awareness". I want to make sure Mary is safe and to perhaps prevent anyone from the same carelessness/mistake....and the subsequent suffering that comes with that. We are staying at the residence Inn which is closer/cheaper as we got a special rate being patients of amato's. They have more handicapped rooms there than I have ever seen and you can basically roll a wheelchair into the shower. They have a special bus that will take you to your appointment.

I mentioned last eve to someone that I feel calm and nervous all at the same time. We haven
t talked about what we would do if the scans are negative. The next step was to move here for treatment and Mary is talking like she doesn't want to do that. I'm for it as we would rent a place and I'd travel back and forth as people can come down and stay with her for a bit. Hopefully it will be that the scan are good and we are counting on it. Blood counts are not back yet so i don't know if she will need a transfusion yet. We meet with Amato at 2:30pm.

This morning as I was walking to get the car the sun was coming up and it was beautiful here. The day is cool but is jacket weather and scarf if you have a tendency to be cold natureed. I met a woman at the bone scan place who was waiting for her husband. She was my age and her husband was going in on Friday to have more cages placed around his spine as the cancer had moved there. They have four kids....live in kirbyville texas and we were talking about what it is to feel like Mary Poppins. To keep the hope that everything will be alright, to reassure others-their kids -but to feel like you are treading water really fast underneath it all. How it is to sometimes survive on caffiene...how we both look tired around the eyes. How sometimes you just cut your losses and move on if there are vortexes of unmet need that you just can't be there for........what it is to have no complaints because life is about whether or not you live or die based on treatments/resources/cancer. There really is nothing to complain about when you consider that. How she has turned her home phone into a fax machine line cause anyone who matters calls her cell and the medical collections agencies call the home line. The reason I never answer the phone on Wed morning and don't answer the door unless it is someone I know. How our tenants have the same instructions. That you get approved for a treatment, the hospital charges more that the insurance company says it is worth and then the send collections agencies after you for the difference when it is very unreasonable. I guess that would be a complaint.....Oh well.
I got up yesterday and did meditation from 3:30-5am. Mary is restless at that time of the morning-gets up and takes meds etc. This is why she usually sleeps till10-11am. I usually wake up and lie there listening to her if she needs something and then am awake for awhile. I felt great as I did some yoga then did a long meditation/more yoga. Then back to sleep and what a wonderful sleep it was for a few hours. Very restful. They say the best time for meditation is from 3-6 am as the prana is quiet, plentiful and biggest at that time. So, I think I will do this more often as my day went incredibly well with this time devoted to the spirit. Life is kind of like a slide show...what ever is in front of your face...one has a tendency to focus on. For me, it is easy to get lost in the drama and remember what is unchanging...in that I can put my trust...my faith and my confidence. I'm very grateful to have these learnings and the ability to find the Iam all over and over. Much love this day to each of you. xoxox lg